The Testament of Love. . .:
One day, I shall just stand up and with a stupid smile on my face I shall say, “I want to quit.” If someone asks me why I want to, mm, I don’t know how I can express my feeling which I am feeling now. I would just look up at the stupid ceiling and dream of this feeling, “I don’t know,” I shall say. If they persist me to stay and they’d do anything to keep me there; anything of good or bad, I don’t know; I will not stay. No, ah. . . I don’t know if this is an instinct or something, but I wouldn’t leave this feeling for anything. Ah, without this, what good is a thousand million billion. . . Nothing needed, only a sense of our immense capacity to love.
It is exactly 23:06 now, and I turned on this thing at 23:00, haha, I should be waking up really early tomorrow to have a hair cut and do my 40mins pooja and then go to work one and half hour before than time to make my question papers. I should be doing that paper and have that haircut this day, but I didn’t. Ah, I don’t know. Who cares? I don’t know if someone cares or not. Hm, papers can be done again, they can be left undone; who remembers after the day passes? If a thing which would be forgotten after the importance is done becomes so urgent, why not something which would fill my night be very important than any other thing?
What is it that I want to record? I don’t want to narrate or describe the events that has happened, no, they will wear off like all the gilded monuments of ancient kings. What wouldn’t wear off are the tension we feel, the stammer which will plague our tongue when the person is before us and the tap our feet does and eyes darting on and off the person; too nervous and careful not to be noticed by them. That feeling makes us fearless, that one feeling makes us feel confident, that one thing would be something like, hm, make us believe we can live in this world happily without anything, and that, I don’t know is true or not, and at this particular moment, I don’t want to know.
Array yaari, legs should run, fingers should drum, eyes should dart, and the body should be ready to jump to do anything; even without your consent all these should happen. Even before you can decide what’s good and what is not, all these should happen, and they should leave you wondering how come you do all that, which you wouldn’t do under a normal circumstance. It should leave you wondering what if you are the energetic all the life, how it would feel to be the same excited, instinctual, loving, warm and careful guy all your life. Haha. That surely feels new for any person who is used to live slowly and be conscious all the time. That should give us the insane strength to dare; dare till the ends and cliffs, even just for a moment. That, hm, such a beautiful moment is worth living for. . . Array, let’s all just live for that one moment. That moment, we will forget WHAT WE DO FOR A LIVING, we will remember WHY WE LIVE. We live, to see the world. We live to feel all the beautiful things we ought to feel. If you aim for your special place for yourself on a spiritual plane, hm, you will forget it. You’ll not even think of Moksha, you’ll crave to live once more, just to be with that person. Such, the normal, earthly, humane bond between two persons transcend all the planes of existence and reach the highest plane, where even God will also be asked just to let him/her stay with her/him.
I will tell you this too, see: that very particular moment you will not understand how you will wake up the next day if the person wouldn’t be there. You will stay up all the night just to make sure the person wouldn’t leave at night and be absent in the morning. You wish you can sleep in the lap, but you wouldn’t like to disturb them. Yes, you know, practically that the person wouldn’t just go vanished at the night, but still, you wouldn’t dare to entertain the thought of leaving at any point of time. Emotional dependency, who cares if it is good or not? Who cares particularly at such a time. Hm, it is not HOW WE ARE LIVING, suddenly it all becomes FOR WHAT ARE WE LIVING, WHY ARE WE LIVING? Legs will run even before you can understand you are running re. Every cell in the body will crave to break the physical bonds of this dimension and get merged into the one for whom you run. The arrival of theirs would be like a sun ray illuminating the world! A bit cheesy? I don’t think so!
I don’t know what else to say. So many people have said, there is nothing left. But I want to say one thing: if something gives you the explosive push to break anything and run towards it, just purse it. Yes, you have to just run towards it. Who bro, knows your capacity to love, eh? Who knows your potential to love? Who knows your carving to be with someone? Who can understand how much you care and how much you’d love to care them? Do you know? Ah, no mamo, we too don’t know ourselves. This is more like saying to myself. I don’t know me completely. I couldn’t unleash my potential to love someone till now. It bursts forth, no because I am craving, but it is a basic human emotion we ought to feel right? Hm, time is slipping away; we can set our career and year later, we can be succeeded in the next trails, we can achieve on the next very chance, but, run, run and run today to fetch the one who loves ya! Run, run and run to fetch the one whom you love, mate! Do you know why? Array dick-head, because she is someone whom you want to be with. With whom you want to be forever. Array, first get her; she is too good. She is too good even for you. Even if your life is not good, she will help you fix it. You both can fix it re. Life is not a movie in which the couples who marry loving will be devastated because of failure in career. No, you both will work your life together. You can paint your life together.
Why the hell am I talking like this? Am I drunk? Or, haha, am I in some kind of a hangover? No. Hm. No. I am talking like this because, I got to know life will not give too many chances. Please, don’t think about the society or don’t think about all the hurdles you will have to face. Hey, see, listen, just listen. . . Yaara/yaari, you can never be the same you pass this moment. Just think of all the beautiful songs you can think of, let the thing in you go unleashed. That is all. Let the one be in your arms. You can think of those others who will F^C^I^G STAY OUT OF YOUR ARMS ever; think of the one who would stay inside your arms re. . . See, did you get it? Everyone, anyone; any, any, anyone about whom you think would stay OUTSIDE your arms, except the one whom you should be thinking about. That’s the person who is more close to you after you to yourself. That person is piece in you. That one person is, not an individual, but a piece of yours for which you have to jump off, run towards, cry hard, strive mad and live free. . . For. . . What is better than the sight of those eyes which are waiting for you till you reach them?
Because I am talking all this rubbish, I would like to say a tale, which I like very, very much:
One day, the great Western Scholar Plato has summoned everyone in Greece to his house. He was hoisting a party. Alcohol were drooping like rivers! After a very long time drinking, this was 2,400years ago, Plato walked to the main podium, requesting everyone to focus on his speech. Then, he started reciting an interesting tale . . . According to (drunken) Plato. . . .:
“In the beginning, when we were created, the humans were not individual beings; we were two beings combined together. Humans were huge, with two faces, four hands, four legs, but a single torso. Them humans were ever happy, humans were ever content, humans were self-sufficient. Humans had festivals everyday, they were not greedy, they didn’t need anything, they didn’t think of anything, not at least of tomorrow.
The everlasting happiness of humans on earth has become a headache for the gods who were living on Mount Olympus. Zeus is vexed of all the festivals humans were indulging. It has become a disturbance for the gods. I think they were angry that humans were not praying them; for humans have nothing to ask even Gods, they were full.
One day, Zeus has taken His thunder bolt and aiming at Earth, has hurled it. From the heights of heaven, it has come down to earth, cracking sky and breaking all the realms it has passed. It struck earth, and all the planet has shaken. By the time we could understand what has happened, we split. The other halves all the human beings have been torn off. We have become the being what we are today. We have only a couple of hands and legs; the other half of ours; our mate in this physical plane has been lost and we don’t know who that is. . . Since then, humans are being born like this; because of the curse if a jealous god. But the transcendental scale of soul cannot be parted even by the thunderbolt of Zeus. We are born, our half part will also be born, and this half will crave for that half and that half will crave for this half. The instinct to be together, the instinct of ownership against each other, the instinct to merge in and become a single being would never in a human, and that. . . . is Love!”
Thus, Plato ends weeping like dying on the stage, before all of Greece. The greatest scholar of Western Scholar, sobbing like a kid. Who knows with whom he wanted to be and couldn’t be?
Don’t try being wise at the person with whom you want to be. No, come on! Wisdom is something which will stop the moment you fall for someone, haha. That someone is someone whom you cannot keep outside. Suddenly, your wisdom will stop working. You will be the most stupidest, most craziest, most insane and weirdest person there ever will be. For them, you’ll seem like a maniac and you know you are not, then, run to them and say. . . “I am stupid only at you, because. . .” because? I too don’t know, come on, I am not here to give you dialogues, make some of your own bro, come on. Forget THE LIFE which YOU ARE LIVING, just keep in your head the life WHICH YOU OUGHT TO LIVE. Be instinctual, that’s all fine; if you ask me, only that is fine, cause, we might act anything, but we the emotion of love is primitive, yeah, no one can deny it. That’s there even before we evolved.
I don’t know what kind of a rubbish I am doing in this write up, but, hm. . . See. . .
The eyes in which you lose your world,
The arms in which you lose your breath,
The path in which you would lose yourself searching for them,
The one with whom you imagine a world only for you,
The one with whom you want to be alone forever,
The one with whom you want to sit and talk and stay till ends,
The one with whom you’d feel the sunlight on your face,
The one with whom you’ll feel your life is all fine and being fixed up,
The one with whom you feel time is heartless to be so little,
The one with whom you want to fill every word of yours,
The one with whom, you’d pray the night stands forever, letting you stare at them,
At whom you feel all your smiles, laughs and happiness stays,
Does something worth losing them?
Let the legs run let the eyes dart, let the mind speak all those stupid things, hm, let yourself go towards the one. We might gain or lose, we might lose and gain again, but the one who should stay, try and stop it. Between gaining and losing, life goes on, yes, but life shouldn’t be meaningless without a trail. Loosing is a frightening thought. But. You will gain it.
If someone calls you crazy, don’t listen. If someone says your insane, don’t bother, if someone says your emotions are extreme, say that’s a blessing, if someone calls you excited, say that’s how you love. . . Be stupid and say love is being stupid and to love you have to be stupid. Say love is a euphoria which will wake up all the sleeping pulses of your head. Say it will drive you and make you do anything and everything you thought you cannot do in your life. Come on; say it is what makes you achieve anything and lets you win. SAY IT IS SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE CELEBRATED!
Let a strange, stupid smile fill your face. Take off the tags that are hanging in your neck or pockets making you look like a real idiot. Take off the doubts that cloud your muddy head. See, take off the thought that “all these happen only in movies and not in real life.” Just loosen your tie and tuck off your shirt and jump off cars and skip over bikes, apologise anyone whom you have stumbled upon, plead the police to let you go, convince the people to let you go to that one, break everything that stops you with the same smile, scream off her name on streets, let the legs run and eyes dart, take heavy breaths than you have to, read some stupid poetry your friend has written and lie to her that you have written it and she has inspired it. . . Haha. . . Share your stupid smile onto the other’s face, hold the hand and say you’ll never leave it, hold the hand and say she’s everything for you, just simply hold the hand and ask her to be yours and promise you’ll be hers. Haha. Just say you love her. Promise you will take care of everything and ask her to take care of you, and, take care of everything like you’ve promised. Take care of every, every, everything, and let her take care of you. Ah. . . Repeat all this every time you need to! Better you learn poetry in the meanwhile! I can teach you for free if you say you wanna do it for your next half! Haha. . .
It is 01:20 now. My, my, my, and I can talk for a day more and 200 pages more. But I think I have recorded the basic of what I have felt. Ah, I will not be more selfish trying to record everything. What say? So, for now, let’s end this here, yeah? Haha. Have a great, great, great day and yes, much greater life, and yes, the greatest love of all. Make out a great story for which people will tear off their ears.
Don’t forget to run for her! Haha!